apocalypse update: GREETINGS FROM MEXICO
i don’t know if i am being watched but i have a duty to report to you all: it has happened. the ravaging mariachi sombreros have been roaming the skies for an hour now and they seem to be obliterating our reserves of tacos and quesadillas with their deathly maracas.
the people have lost all hope.
i’m not sure if we’ll be seeing each other again.
PAZ.
“Too many people grow up. That’s the real trouble with the world, to many people grow up. They forget. They don’t remember what it’s like to be 12 years old. They patronise, they treat children as inferiors. Well I won’t do that.” Walt Disney.
Update from Spain
Paellas are trying to kill us. They are shouting “I will pee on all the things you eat!”
What an irony
UPDATE FROM CALIFORNIA
WE’VE ALREADY BEEN STRUCK BY MULTIPLE EARTHQUAKES
THE SAN ANDREAS FAULT HAS SPLIT OPEN, SWALLOWING SILICON VALLEY
A FEW ENTERPRISING SOULS ARE SEARCHING THE FISSURE FOR STRAY IPADS
SOCAL IS ON FIRE
MASSIVE TIDAL WAVES ARE SWEEPING INLAND, MUCH TO THE DELIGHT OF THE SURFERS
CLINT EASTWOOD HAS LOCKED HIMSELF IN AN IKEA TO LECTURE ALL THE FURNITURE
WE STILL CAN’T BALANCE OUR BUDGET
WE’RE HAVING A MASS YOGA RETREAT IF ANY OF YOU NEED TO CHILL OUT AND GET CENTERED
Update from Nevada:
THERE’S ACTUALLY ALIENS IN AREA 51
SEND HELP
SEND THE DOCTOR
oh and Lucifer’s down in Vegas but he can stay.
Meaning don’t tell the Winchesters.
Apocalypse update from Los Angeles:
The wax statues from Madame Tussaud’s have come to life and begun slaughtering people mercilessly. The dinosaurs from the Jurassic Park ride at Universal are stampeding down Hollywood and Highland. The dolls from Small World are strangling people.
We have taken cover in Union Station holy shit what’s that noise tHE TRAINS ARE DERAILING RU-
Apocalypse Update From South Carolina
It’s a bit windy. My garbage can fell over.
Also, the south is rising again. Robert E. Lee was just seen riding a raptor down main street.
Apocalypse update from England: 8.53am. It’s not raining any more. It really is the end of days.
UPDATE FROM HUNGARY
THE DRAGONS ARE ATTACKING.
OH MY GOD I THOUGHT HARRY POTTER WAS JOKING ABOUT THE HORNTAILS!
HELP THEY’VE EATED ALL THE GOULASH!
Update from Transylvania:
Dracula’s been seen flying around
in daylight.
SOMEONE HOLD ME
Kill her with your own happiness: Is anyone else in New Zealand watching this shit on TV3 Nightline or... →
Is anyone else in New Zealand watching this shit on TV3 Nightline or whatever?
So funny. They were like ‘the mayand MIT have had it bang on’ and showed pictures of people riding apocalyptic horses in some kind of freak Armageddon battle and they said where are the horses? And they were like there…
TEXAS APOCALYPSE UPDATE:
RATIONS OF FRIED FOOD AND RC COLA ARE DWINDLING QUICKLY.
THE GUNS HAVE BECOME SENTIENT.
THEY HAVE TAKEN THE ALAMO.
WE DIDN’T KNOW.
GOD, WE DIDN’T KNOW!
UPDATE:
WE HAVE RUN OUT OF ICED TEA
REPEAT
WE HAVE RUN OUT OF FUCKING ICED TEA
Apocalypse update
California Edition vol. 2
The cast of the Expandables has joined forces with the cast from Battle LA to fight off the invaders!! The Raider’s are gone (thankfully) but we still have the Golden State Warriors. Visitors seem to be assembling massive drills along the San Andrea’s fault but Arnold Schwartzenegger and Bruce Willis are firing at them while smoking cigars on a helicopter. There’s rumor’s that Michael Bay is filming all of this.
